I Have Had It With That Person!!!

When is the last time you found yourself saying something like this:

"That person made me so mad!!" or "I have had it with that person!!!" or "I let them have it and told them to ......(you fill in the blank)." or possibly something like "I am done with that!!!"

Have you found yourself so bothered by what someone else has been saying to you or about you that you have felt forced to do something--like tell them where to go?

These are normal experiences for many pre-teens and teens, as well as many adults.

Whenever I hear someone saying that someone "made" them feel a certain way, or "pushed them to their limit" or anything similar to that, I think of something called locus of control. Simply put, this has to do with where your control is located--whether it is located outside of you or within you. If your control is located within you, your locus of control is internal. If your control is located outside of you, your locus of control is external.

If you are blaming someone else or something in your environment for how you feel or how you act, your locus of control is external, meaning you are allowing someone or something outside of you to control how you feel or how you act. Such statements as, "He made me do it" or "My sister made me do it" are evidence of your external locus of control in a particular situation. In fact, sometimes this is related to something called situational ethics--meaning you change your beliefs for each situation you encounter in life.

The problem with both situational ethics and other ways of having an external locus of control is that you are giving up control you could have over yourself. Your feelings are inside of you and are yours--you have felt them. Your actions are yours. If you blame someone else for what you think, do, feel and/or say you are giving someone or something else control over you. Most people don't realize they are giving up anything--they just think they are helpless victims.

Well, you don't have to be a victim any longer!! This is the good news!! The bad news is that, in order for you to get out of the external locus of control mode, you have to start taking responsibility for everything you think, do, feel, and say. A good and popular way to take responsibility for what you do and say is to immediately point to yourself and say, "My bad." Then you apologize for whatever and make amends. Another piece of good news comes into play here, for whenever you take responsibility for what you think, do, feel and/or say, you also gain more control over your life. To be sure, you cannot control what others do and say. But as soon as you start taking responsibility for your own feelings, language, and actions something magic happens--you have just switched the control of these back to you, and you now have an internal locus of control.

An internal locus of control is a very wonderful thing to have. It allows you to let others be themselves while you get to be yourself and make the choices that match your values.

Be sure to release yourself from others' control by taking responsibility for everything you think, do, feel, and/or say. You will have a better day each time you do this.

Thanks for reading, and have a great day!!!

You Have a Choice to Grow Up Great!

My young friends. Some years ago, as an elementary school counselor, I found myself with a request from a 5th grade teacher and the child's parents to counsel a boy who was in that teacher's class. One day I brought this boy, whom I had known from the time he entered kindergarten, into my office and asked him what he thought of himself. Since I had been told by his teacher that he seemed depressed lately, I knew where to start, and that is with self-esteem.

Now self-esteem refers to how you think and feel about yourself. When someone is depressed they tend to have poor self-esteem. And self-esteem is something you have to work on, and which no one can give you. Your self-esteem is inside of you--it is yours, and yours, only.

This boy had experienced aunts and uncles and cousins and various family members who had been in trouble with the law and even in prison. When I asked him this question, he responded with something like, "I'm bad. Everyone in my family is bad, so therefore, I will be bad."

Apparently he believed that he had no choice!!

If I had believed something like this, I would not have ever gained a college education and become a teacher and school counselor. I explained this to him and also explained that no matter what anyone had ever done in his family, he had choices. He could choose for himself whether he would become good or bad. We are never limited to what our family members choices were. We have our own set of choices and can choose to learn from their lives and go on to become someone we can respect and trust.

Always remember that you have choices!!! This is very important!!! Choose to respect yourself and grow high self-esteem. Choose to take control of your own life and never give up on yourself!! Always believe in yourself!!!