Some important observations about growing up have to do with how much self-direction and individual power children and teens have in their lives. Some of the young people I know seem very confused about this. Even their adults are confused about this and about what might be appropriate. If you find yourself saying, "She made me mad!" or "He started it!" or "He made me feel stupid!" or any similar statement, what I am going to tell you may surprise you.
1. Your feelings are yours - no one else's. They are in your body and brain, and are, therefore, your responsiblity to learn to control. In truth, no one can "make" you feel any emotion. As you grow more and more into adulthood, you will hopefully discover you have much control. But you have to experience some challenging events in your life first. The more this happens, and the more you learn about recovering and controlling your feelings, the happier you will be.
2. When you came into this world, you were totally dependent on your parents for everything you received. As you have grown you have probably found yourself making more and more decisions about various parts of your life. Someday your parents won't be around to do anything for you. You will then know a very scary thing about yourself - you will know that your are really on your own. This should really mostly happen before your parents leave this world, but for some of you, your parents may have left, or may leave earlier than expected. The sooner you learn that you have control over what you think, say, feel, and do, the sooner you will be ready to be completely on your own.
3. Always put your mistakes behind you, learn from them, "get back up", and go on with new promises to do better. If you find yourself saying things like, "I am so stupid!" or "I always do stupid things like this!" then you need to learn something about how to say what you really want to say. Do not state anything bad you have done in any way that is permanent, pervasive (everywhere constantly), and in the present tense. State such actions as though you only did this once, in the past, and it happened only in that one place at that one time. This leaves you free to break the bonds of any self-fulfilling prophecies about you. If you want to talk about something you did well, state that as if it is permanent, pervasive, and in the present tense. (e.g." I always win this game." "I always remember to feed the animals at night.").
If you do these three things, you will be on your way to self-fulfillment and happiness. You will also begin to gain more power in your life.
Happy New Year to all of you!!!
