Take Control and Enjoy!!

Thanksgiving 2012 has recently been experienced and Christmas and New Year holidays are on their way. There is always a heightened level of excitement in the air during our major holiday season. And yet I know that some of you, my young friends are feeling very differently about the holidays.

Several years ago, I had one experience with a family at Thanksgiving time. It began with a discussion of what they would be doing on Thanksgiving Day. I was informed that Thanksgiving Day is not a happy day for this family anymore. This was the day, several years before, that the husband and father informed the mother and teenage boy and girl that he was leaving them for good! I was told, this dad had somehow thought that Thanksgiving dinner was the perfect time for his revelation of his new course of life and for his parting words! The mother and daughter insisted that this had spoiled Thanksgiving forever for the son, her, and the daughter.

Now if you think of this situation, you can certainly understand why Thanksgiving was not the most popular holiday around the house. It brought up issues that were disgusting and hurtful. Think how betrayed they all felt on that fateful day. Here was the husband and father in that home telling the rest of the family, at what should have been a happy occasion and family-unifying event, that he was now  breaking his wedding vows to the mother, and divorcing from her, thus causing her and his children to be put through a family split resulting in financial and emotional distress. Instead of this being a happy family event, it had now become a time marker for the falling apart of their worlds as they knew them. Needless to say, that dad was not popular with the kids for awhile.

In fact, the son, who was now in the U.S. Navy and stationed on the Eastern Seaboard, was still not celebrating Thanksgiving and would have nothing to do with his dad. The daughter, who now had a daughter of her own, lived with the mother, and was spending Sunday evenings with her dad, was still  feeling anger at her dad for that, and, like her mother, would have nothing to do with Thanksgiving Day.

Along I came, shocked at the development of these circumstances, and put in my two cents worth. I told the mother and daughter that I would not let someone else ruin my Thanksgiving Day. Why should they let someone else control whether they have a fun Thanksgiving? I told them I thought they should go ahead and enjoy.

And they did after that, so far as I know.

Just think how miserable we could all be if we let someone else control our lives in that manner. My friends, don't let someone else's actions take control over your emotions and your lives. Be determined to live life to the fullest and happiest. It may be harder after being abandoned or traumatized, but when we let other's actions make us feel a certain way, we are giving control of our lives to them. Yes, we are hurt. We are hurt very badly, and that is probably understating all that has happened. Yet, we can rebuild our lives in a different way and still live them. We can free ourselves from others' control by putting those issues behind us and going on to be the best we can be.

I was originally very hesitant to put this blog out for public view. I wanted to be certain it was the best I could present. After all, I have worked with young people as a school counselor for many years. You are a most important audience to me.

One of the most important and fun lessons I taught in the schools was for 4th graders and older. I would write two headings on the white board: "Boys" and "Girls". The "Boys" heading would always be in blue and the "Girls" heading would always be in red or pink. Then I would ask the class members to respond to the question   "What games do you like to play?" Students would raise their hands and I would write on the board the name of the game. If the person responding was a girl, I would write the question in red or pink under the heading "Girls". If the respondent was a boy, I would then write the name of that person's game in blue under the heading "Boys".

We would usually get a reasonably long list of games under both headings. And, guess what, many of the same team sports would appear under both headings!! Football, basketball, baseball and soccer were on both lists - even if I had to ask all the girls who like to play football to please raise their hands. There would always be plenty of girls who liked to play those games.

So what was the point of this lesson? Gender equity. The point of the lesson was to release children from preconceived notions about which games were appropriate for boys and which were appropriate for girls and to open minds to the realities that both boys and girls like to play the same sports. As the years progressed I saw several girls who stood out as very aggressive football and baseball players. I was amazed at this. I had never realized that these young ladies were able to play better than a lot of the boys. I had never seen this before.

Now there were, of course, some of the boys who resented this. They also resented when I asked the girls what it was that boys do that is like playing with dolls (action figures).

I really don't know whether the lessons had any positive effect on the kids. I just know that these lessons were based on research, and that they always got everyone thinking about the issues involved in gender equity.

When I went out to the playground, I still saw the same things happening - with only some exceptions.

So I ask the reader this question, "Do you feel valued in our society? Do you feel respected in your community? How do you feel about your school with regard to these issues? Have you done anything to help someone else feel accepted and respected by all others?" These questions are for boys as well as for girls.

We all need to feel valued by others. Let's make certain we are willing to give that respect and value to all those around us. And if you don't feel valued, I have a suggestion. Try doing something for someone else - something that will bring a little bit of happiness to another person you know. And always believe in yourself - that you are lovable and capable. This is true regardless of which games you like to play.

Happy Valentines Day, my young friends!!!

University of Utah and Google Team Up to Help Families with Children on the Autism Spectrum | University of Utah News

University of Utah and Google Team Up to Help Families with Children on the Autism Spectrum | University of Utah News:

'via Blog this'

This post is for you kids who may have been diagnosed as being autistic or aspergers. This especially may be interesting to you if you are also very intelligent in some subjects.

I Remember and Still Love My Kids!!

Today my wife and I went shopping. Where did we go? To several large stores. At one of these stores the person who first offered to help us was someone I recognized! He was now a young man - a high school student. When I knew him, he was one of our many elementary school students. And, although I did no counseling with him at any time that I am aware of, I still remembered him and still felt the love for this young person that I have always felt toward the students in the school I was serving.

These kids are like additional sons and daughters for me. And although there are thousands of them, there are certain ones that somehow I still remember. When I see them as adolescents or adults, I remember what they looked like and acted like (at least to some extent) as kids. I am always amazed at the positive feelings I seem to have for them - regardless of what they were like when they were younger.

I am so thankful that this is the case. I would not want it any other way. I always want to be supportive to these kids, regardless of their ages and who they may have grown up to be.

Always remember, my friends, you are loved and appreciated by someone! Believe in your abilities and believe you are worthwhile to others!

Happy New Year!!!

May you all enjoy and treasure what you have. Happy New Year to everyone!!!

Empower Yourself!!!

Some important observations about growing up have to do with how much self-direction and individual power children and teens have in their lives. Some of the young people I know seem very confused about this. Even their adults are confused about this and about what might be appropriate. If you find yourself saying, "She made me mad!" or "He started it!" or "He made me feel stupid!" or any similar statement, what I am going to tell you may surprise you.

1. Your feelings are yours - no one else's. They are in your body and brain, and are, therefore, your responsiblity to learn to control. In truth, no one can "make" you feel any emotion. As you grow more and more into adulthood, you will hopefully discover you have much control. But you have to experience some challenging events in your life first. The more this happens, and the more you learn about recovering and controlling your feelings, the happier you will be.

2. When you came into this world, you were totally dependent on your parents for everything you received. As you have grown you have probably found yourself making more and more decisions about various parts of your life. Someday your parents won't be around to do anything for you. You will then know a very scary thing about yourself - you will know that your are really on your own. This should really mostly happen before your parents leave this world, but for some of you, your parents may have left, or may leave earlier than expected. The sooner you learn that you have control over what you think, say, feel, and do, the sooner you will be ready to be completely on your own.

3. Always put your mistakes behind you, learn from them, "get back up", and go on with new promises to do better. If you find yourself saying things like, "I am so stupid!" or "I always do stupid things like this!" then you need to learn something about how to say what you really want to say. Do not state anything bad you have done in any way that is permanent, pervasive (everywhere constantly), and in the present tense. State such actions as though you only did this once, in the past, and it happened only in that one place at that one time. This leaves you free to break the bonds of any self-fulfilling prophecies about you. If you want to talk about something you did well, state that as if it is permanent, pervasive, and in the present tense. (e.g." I always win this game." "I always remember to feed the animals at night.").

If you do these three things, you will be on your way to self-fulfillment and happiness. You will also begin to gain more power in your life.

Happy New Year to all of you!!!

Look for new posts - coming soon.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all!!!